


the gap between us

by starlightauroras



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, F/M, Growing Up Together, Implied Sexual Content, Other, im sorry, its sad, wooyoung is kind of a dick, yeosang is also kind of a dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23464195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightauroras/pseuds/starlightauroras
Summary: Wooyoung freezes in spot, his body pressed against the ground to peek through the gap, reflecting that of the small person on the other side of the fence."You're not a pirate." He blinks. The other eyes blink too."No, I'm Yeosang."*****From the start, there's a gap between them. It's small, but as they grow, Wooyoung learns that it's enough to keep them apart.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	the gap between us

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first work I've posted on this site and I'm not used to it yet so FORGIVE ME
> 
> also to those here from tumblr hi it's Heidi~
> 
> This fic is super open to interpretation so please let me know your thoughts and opinions!

It's on a bitterly cold winter evening when the sun rises on Wooyoung's life.

There's a fence that separates his back yard from the next. It's been empty for weeks, just like the house it belongs to. At the end of the wooden panels, towards the bottom of the fence, is a gap, not quite big enough for a child to crawl through - Wooyoung had tried once, ending in scratches and tears and the comfort only hugs from a mother could bring to her son - but big enough to peer through, to pretend you're a spy, or a pirate, or to get shouted at by your parents for being nosey.

He's left his favourite toy there, in his favourite spot. It takes a while to convince his mother to let him go outside and get it, but sure enough, a young boy with round cheeks is soon running down the yard, heading to the gap in the fence. And there's his toy on the ground, face up, as if it is waiting for Wooyoung to come back and get it. Imagination takes over in the purity of a child's mind. He's apologising for leaving it in the cold for so long, chatting away to himself, forgetting as one young boy does the promise to his mother that he would just get the toy then return back inside. But his fantasy world is forming around him. It's creeping in at the edges, calling him in a way he can't resist, and surely if he looks there are pirates in the other yard.

There's a pair of eyes looking back at him.

Wooyoung freezes in spot, his body pressed against the ground to peek through the gap, reflecting that of the small person on the other side of the fence.

"You're not a pirate." He blinks. The other eyes blink too.

"No, I'm Yeosang."

The eyes belong to a boy. Not a familiar one. Wooyoung doesn’t think Yeosang goes to his school. There’s a mark on the side of his face, by his eye; it’s distinctive, and Wooyoung resists the urge not to ask him about it. His mother would scold him if he did.

"I've never seen you before." When Wooyoung shuffles on the ground to change positions because his elbows hurt, he notices the other boy do the same, and he grins. It's returned like a mirror image.

"I moved here today. Are you my neighbour?" In the back of his mind, Wooyoung thinks he can remember being told that a new family were going to be living next to him soon by his parents, and he nods. The thought of his mother reminds him that he's supposed to be inside already.

"I have to go," he says. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

“Yes, I live here.” The boy on the other side of the fence brings up one hand to wave at Wooyoung. With one final grin and a returned wave, he jumps up and sprints back inside, toy left forgotten on the floor, but a new warmth spreading inside him, one of a promised friendship.

*****

It becomes routine for the two boys to meet at the bottom of their yards. Time spent together in one house or one yard is, of course, preferable, but they learn quickly that it’s easier to sneak out their back door than through two front doors. So they call it their secret hideout. When they’re either side of the gap in the fence, they can’t be seen; it’s just them, maybe a few toys of choice, and whatever they want to talk about.

Watching from behind windows, their parents are mesmerised by the strength of such a fresh friendship.

Rain won’t even stop them. As they get older, smarter, they spend time helping one another construct shelters either side of the fence. Their fathers offer to help, but the boys are determined to do this themselves, and though shabby, they produce something both sides that is stable _and_ functional. Yeosang complains about the cold sometimes. Wooyoung feels it too, but he never minds it – he’d let his toes turn black and drop off before he went inside and denied the warmth inside him.

One particular summer evening, Yeosang decides to try and get through the fence.

“You won’t fit. You’re bigger than me, and I can’t do it.” Wooyoung speaks in anxious tones. Yeosang is talking about something that once hurt him, and he doesn’t want the other boy to end up like he did.

“How far did you get?” Yeosang asks, regarding the hole like it’s hidden treasure. Wooyoung tells him. He tells him about the blood and the tears, but Yeosang isn’t deterred. Instead, Wooyoung watches as the other boy’s face scrunches with concentration, then, a moment or two later, morphs into a triumphant smile. He has a small piece of metal in his hand. “Watch this.” Wooyoung is both terrified and in awe as Yeosang removes a part of the fence and proceeds to crawl easily through a slightly larger space.

They have a few days to enjoy their new secret, and they are days full of excitement and giggles, the thrill of being caught, jumping and dancing in the shadows and checking every few seconds for faces in the windows. And when they do get caught, and Yeosang, red faced and glassy eyed but refusing to cry, admits that it was him who did it as Wooyoung sobs, Wooyoung knows that even when their parents fix the one panel removed, closing their path to one another, that he will always look up to Yeosang.

*****

Aged 12 – their first day at middle school. It’s Yeosang who clutches Wooyoung’s hand when he is scared at the gates, who makes sure to find friends and bring them to sit with them at lunch. Its Yeosang who comforts Wooyoung when he cries on the way home because the day was so different than what he’s used to. It’s Yeosang who asks to eat next-door to cheer up his friend, and who promises to meet him at the fence when he has to go home again.

It’s less frequent now. Not every night, because now they have homework, but as often as they can, and though they’re allowed to believe that they’re breaking the rules by laying by that gap in the fence, with one wood panel slightly crooked where it had been ripped off and then replaced at a slanted angle, their parents would never stop it for the world.

As the middle school sunrises pass by, Wooyoung watches as Yeosang starts to light up the lives of all those around him. He attracts people; they flock to him and they love him, and by their last year, he is one of the most popular students there, shining bright amongst others.

The summer before high school comes. Whilst Wooyoung stays inside in the shade and dances, Yeosang is outside in the sun at the skate park. Every evening, they meet at the gap in the fence, and sunlight stretches out the days for Wooyoung until darkness creeps over them and forces them back inside. He looks forward to the evenings the most.

High school is easy for Wooyoung with Yeosang by his side. Sometimes, he feels like he might drown in the amount of people always around him, but it’s not him they want – it’s Yeosang. His warmth is infectious. And Yeosang, well he’s a people person, happy to spread his rays and welcome every one to him. But it’s Wooyoung he looks to when he laughs. It’s Wooyoung he always leaves with. It’s Wooyoung who is there to catch him when one day on the walk home he falls, the pressure too much, grey clouds battering him down. He thinks that no one really knows who he is. He thinks he’s a fraud – people like him because they think everyone else does, but do they actually? It’s Wooyoung who stays with him by the gap in the fence, and though they’re too big now to do anything but lay on their backs and peer at each other by looking to the side, for the first time they stay there past the dark and the cold and just talk. Wooyoung tells him that it doesn’t matter what other people think. He tells him that he thinks he’s wrong, anyway – everyone loves Yeosang. Wooyoung doesn’t think he will ever not love Yeosang.

When the full moon appears in the sky, it shines on Yeosang’s face, and his birthmark seems to illuminate. Wooyoung wonders if, maybe, if Yeosang is the sun, is he the moon? Does he shine through the dark, when Yeosang is beaten back? Does Yeosang feel his warmth when he can no longer provide it himself? He looks at the sky. He doesn’t want to go back inside, so he doesn’t. And Yeosang stays too. They wake up with blankets over their bodies, stiff necks and sore bodies, and Wooyoung remembers asking Yeosang when they first met if he would still be here tomorrow. He never meant it this literally, but he feels warmth burn in him when Yeosang turns, peers through the gap in the fence, their eyes meeting like that first time, and smiles.

“Thank you, Woo. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

*****

It isn’t a surprise when Yeosang gets his first girlfriend, nor is it a surprise when they break up a few weeks later, too young and experienced to really know what they were doing. Wooyoung is there through it all, trying not to laugh occasionally when it seems that Yeosang thinks the world is crashing down. He reminds him that the sun always rises. He tells him that there will be more chances. Yeosang listens.

“What about you?” he asks. “Don’t you want a girlfriend, Woo?”

Wooyoung pretends to think about it for a minute, feeling Yeosang’s eyes on him through the fence. A few seconds later, and he shrugs, hearing a responding chuckle. But he knows. He doesn’t want a girlfriend. What he doesn’t know is exactly why, just that he’s content with the way his life is now. There’s warmth in it, the sun still rises, and he doesn’t want to disrupt the way things are. When he turns his own head to look back at Yeosang, the other boy smiles. Wooyoung wouldn’t risk it for the world.

*****

It’s Yeosang’s second girlfriend in their last year of high school that casts the first proper shadow over their friendship. It’s one winter evening when Wooyoung is working on an assignment and notices movement in the corner of his eye outside his window. It’s Yeosang and his girlfriend, laughing and _kissing_ by the gap in the fence. In Yeosang’s favourite spot. Wooyoung’s favourite spot.

A strange coldness spreads up and down his body, and Wooyoung shuts his blinds; he blocks out the silvery moonlight; he turns off his bedroom lamp. He takes himself to bed right then, assignment unfinished, a sense of foreboding in his heart.

No matter what he does, he can’t keep warm that night.

*****

"Do you love her, hyung?"

The two boys are at the fence, on their backs, looking up at the sky. It’s grey and cloudy, but occasionally rays of sun break through and hit Wooyoung’s face like hopeful reminders of a better past and easier days.

It doesn’t matter how old they are, they always come back here. It’s their place, their peace, somewhere where childish joy lingers and takes their worries away, just for the moment. Even though a few years back they knocked down the too small shelters, this is where they are safe. Safe with each other.

"I think so, Woo."

Wooyoung knows he should be happy at those words. He should be grateful that his friend has this chance, that he has someone else to turn to, someone else to give his all to. Someone else to love. When he turns to Yeosang, the smile on the other boy’s lips is testament to his admission, and Wooyoung shouldn’t be so hurt by the thought that someone else is causing that smile. But he is.

He tries to find another sun for his life. A replacement.

He goes out with Yeosang at the weekends. Wooyoung tries not to notice how is friend doesn’t seem interested anymore in if he’s okay, if he’s comfortable, but he can’t help it. He sees how when Yeosang laughs, it isn’t him he looks to anymore. When he leaves, it’s with her. And when he falls, it’s her who catches him, pushing those clouds away, and no doubt comforting him into the night. She’s his moon.

Wooyoung doesn’t want another sun. He never has. But he misses warmth inside him, a warmth no amount of sunny days at the skate part will give him. If Yeosang’s found that feeling elsewhere…

There’s a girl who keeps stealing smiles at him whenever he’s out. She starts conversations when he feels most alone, and one day, when she asks him to come with her for a walk, and under the shade of a maple tree she leans up to press her lips to his, Wooyoung decides to try and see the world in a new light. She tastes like cherries.

All the things Yeosang told him about by the fence, all the embarrassing but fascinating stories he shared to a friend in awe – Wooyoung decides to try them all. There’s warmth occasionally, but it’s not the warmth of sun, more… candles. Cherry scented candles. It’s so sweet it’s almost sickening sometimes.

He takes her to his favourite spot and lets her kiss him there. He hopes that Yeosang sees. When she says she’s cold, he lets her take him inside, and then he lets her take him again under the blankets of his bed. There’s no warmth until it burns as she moves her hips over his and oh – he understands why Yeosang likes this so much now. He wants to tell him that he’s experienced it, but that thought alone turns him cold. Guilt creeps in too, because Wooyoung knows that candles eventually burn out. He never really wanted to light it in the first place.

*****

Yeosang and his girlfriend split up half-way through senior year. Wooyoung finds out through a text message from his friend, asking to meet at their spot. Maybe he should consider how lonely he’s felt the past few months before he responds to the text, but Wooyoung can’t help himself, and before he knows it, he’s agreeing on instinct and heading to the gap in the fence with warmth forming in his middle, where he finds a crying Yeosang.

“What happened, hyung?” Wooyoung asks.

“She left me, Wooyoung.” Yeosang sobs. It’s a cloudy night and it’s so dark that if it wasn’t for the sobs and sniffles, the older boy might have been able to hide it. Wooyoung is relieved that he was awake to receive the message. He asks why they split and Yeosang tells him. “I’m too much,” he says, voice cracking, “too happy, too ‘warm.’ She says it’s overwhelming and she doesn’t feel like she can talk to me about serious things.” Anger flares up in Wooyoung. Yeosang being too much? Too warm? The sun can blind, he supposes, but it could never blind him.

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m always here.” Wooyoung feels brightness on his face. He looks up, and the clouds have uncovered the moon. It shines in the dark like a beacon. He looks to Yeosang, birthmark silvery and magical in the light, but his eyes aren’t open to see it.

*****

The next week, Wooyoung blows the candle out.

She accuses him of lying – he supposes he has. She accuses him of using her – again, he knows he has. He tells her that he genuinely cares for her, because he does, and apologises over and over. She accuses him of being in love with Yeosang. Coincidences happen, she says, but the timing of Yeosang’s break-up and theirs was too close, and she says she hates him. Cherries linger in the air when she leaves. Wooyoung doesn’t think he will ever be able to eat them again.

*****

Yeosang changes. He’s quiet and withdrawn. He doesn’t want to meet at the fence anymore. At school, he asks Wooyoung to sit alone with him, just them, and the warmth that spreads through Wooyoung is possessive. Protective. He doesn’t want _her_ to hurt Yeosang anymore. So, he tries to cheer up his friend. Offers advice, offers jokes, offers anything he can give. Slowly, he starts to realise that maybe, Yeosang never opened his eyes again to the night sky. All he seems to see is darkness.

Wooyoung changes. School was once manageable, with his best friend by his side. Now, it’s an exhausting chore. Sometimes he smells cherries in the halls, and it makes him want to cry. But he can’t cry. Because Yeosang isn’t there to hold his hand or comfort him. Yeosang isn’t at the fence.

Still, the sun rises. Every morning. Even in the winter, when the darkness fights to stay, the sun rises, and Yeosang walks with him to school, but it’s not the same. His friend is absent, Wooyoung knows it. It’s cold for the first time when Yeosang is next to him.

*****

Word spreads around the school quickly when they get back together. Apparently, it was quite romantic, like a drama, or a cheesy teen movie. Yeosang dropped to his knees and begged her to try again, promised he would change for her, and she started to cry before taking him back into her arms. Wooyoung doesn’t know if it’s true. He didn’t see; he was in the toilets hiding from cherries and the cold, but he’s starting to worry he may have a medical issue. His fingers and toes are always like ice, like they may fall off.

Oh, he wants to ask Yeosang what is going through his beautiful head. The news is so unexpected that Wooyoung doesn’t believe it at first. Surely, if Yeosang felt like doing something so dramatic, something so unlike himself, he’d have come to the gap in the fence, talked to his best friend about it first. It isn’t until Wooyoung sits alone at the table he and Yeosang had claimed the past weeks at lunch and stays alone, that it hits him. If he turns, he knows he will see him. He’ll be there, back on their old table, shining amongst his friends, laughing, looking to her first. There’s ice in Wooyoung’s heart.

He leaves school early that day. His mother has bought a new air freshener for the house, he discovers abruptly as he walks through the door, as the smell of it makes him head sprint to the toilet to throw up everything he didn’t eat at lunch. Fucking cherries.

*****

Wooyoung looks through the gap in the fence, and there's no one there. There never is, anymore.

It’s summer. He’s finished school, somehow. He thinks he has good grades. Schoolwork distracts him, so it’s all he’s done since his life went dark, and if he hasn’t passed his exams, it’ll be a miracle.

Sunlight spills over the yard and over Wooyoung. It seeps into his skin. He isn’t warm though. He doesn’t think he ever will be again.

Something brings him back here every day. His mother is worrying about him, he knows that. She says his behaviour is too repetitive, that of a madman, but he doesn’t care. There’s still hope that one day, there will be a pair of eyes looking back at him when he peers into the yard.

Yeosang doesn’t answer his texts anymore. Wooyoung knows that he doesn’t even receive them, as that tends to happen when a number gets blocked. Why? He supposes it’s because for a few months after he ran out of school, he didn’t respond to Yeosang’s texts. He didn’t want to talk or listen to whatever things that had been hidden from him in the first place.

When the time comes for Wooyoung to receive his college letters – he’s been accepted into his first choice with perfect grades – his feet unconsciously walk the familiar path down the yard, and his body drops, sinking to the floor.

His head turns out of habit to the side, ready to peer through the gap, and though he’s learnt to expect nothing, today is special, and there is a tiny, pitiful spark in his chest, that maybe, just maybe, Yeosang will be there.

Wooyoung blinks at a fixed fence.

There is no gap.

There is no Yeosang.

There is no warmth.

Wooyoung can’t find the energy to move, staring at the place in the wood where once, he’d seen pirates and robbers, a pair of curious eyes, tears, moonlight.

The sun sets.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @/starlightauroras (my main blog where I post fics) and @/fairyeosangel (my side blog where I mostly interact with people)


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